tough times - times of blue..
everything seems to be going against me..
made alot of mistakes while in camp.. very emo.. im supposed to be monitoring spec but i cant even monitoring myself.. bullshit.. whole load of shit..
supposed to be promoted to be corporal (cpl) on 24th june and realised i couldnt.. reason being my medical status hasnt been confirmed and i have not been given a perm pes status or a further extension of temp pes for 6 mths. medical centre does not see personnel for pes review due to h1n1. i did a stress ecg n result was sent to mmi in mid may.. no answer since.. i really need the money.. maybe bcos i was not borned with a silver spoon. i worried too much, financially.. im only 21.. omg.. i jus sound so old... i wanna study vet degree, but i couldnt, so what's the point of getting 1st in vet science.. im still nowhere..
i've jus sprained my leg last monday.. excruciating pain.. saw a doctor on thurs.. gave me a 2ml tramadol jab.. put me on paracetamol, paracetamol + codeine, and diclofenac.. nth seems to help.. it's still swollen now.. wanna go A&E but realise i have no one to be with me.. i cannot even walk, that's when i realise even though i have so many friends.. there aint that many i can rely on or confide to when im in time of help..
saw the newspaper article abt Alvin Ng, the channel 8 actor who recently got criticised for his poor acting. the article was smth abt his uncle telling him not to take things too seriously.. i pondered upon this issue for a very long time. he's absolutely right, i cant help but to agree.. how many yrs do we have in our whole life, why do we have to take things so seriously and ended up making ourselves miserable.
i knw all the things that people will tell me when they see me.. but i cant help it but to think negatively.. i do not want to suppress my own feelings. i do not wanna bottle it.
maybe it's EXPECTATIONS. im expecting too much from myself.. then i cannot allow failures or setbacks. it's time to sit down quietly and look back. all the things that have happened, all the friends i have. maybe it's jus me, i do not have the habit of sharing my probs or voicing myself out. i dun wanna look weak and vulnerable. thinking back, so what if i appear strong and optimistic, im still not happy, not contented. im worried abt so MANY things that i need to see a psychiatrist. there are jus certain things i do not wish to reveal here.. u can sae it's CK or what. but im really not.
even at this time, i still tell myself that im fine.. but i guess im not.. but time will heal everything..
made alot of mistakes while in camp.. very emo.. im supposed to be monitoring spec but i cant even monitoring myself.. bullshit.. whole load of shit..
supposed to be promoted to be corporal (cpl) on 24th june and realised i couldnt.. reason being my medical status hasnt been confirmed and i have not been given a perm pes status or a further extension of temp pes for 6 mths. medical centre does not see personnel for pes review due to h1n1. i did a stress ecg n result was sent to mmi in mid may.. no answer since.. i really need the money.. maybe bcos i was not borned with a silver spoon. i worried too much, financially.. im only 21.. omg.. i jus sound so old... i wanna study vet degree, but i couldnt, so what's the point of getting 1st in vet science.. im still nowhere..
i've jus sprained my leg last monday.. excruciating pain.. saw a doctor on thurs.. gave me a 2ml tramadol jab.. put me on paracetamol, paracetamol + codeine, and diclofenac.. nth seems to help.. it's still swollen now.. wanna go A&E but realise i have no one to be with me.. i cannot even walk, that's when i realise even though i have so many friends.. there aint that many i can rely on or confide to when im in time of help..
saw the newspaper article abt Alvin Ng, the channel 8 actor who recently got criticised for his poor acting. the article was smth abt his uncle telling him not to take things too seriously.. i pondered upon this issue for a very long time. he's absolutely right, i cant help but to agree.. how many yrs do we have in our whole life, why do we have to take things so seriously and ended up making ourselves miserable.
i knw all the things that people will tell me when they see me.. but i cant help it but to think negatively.. i do not want to suppress my own feelings. i do not wanna bottle it.
maybe it's EXPECTATIONS. im expecting too much from myself.. then i cannot allow failures or setbacks. it's time to sit down quietly and look back. all the things that have happened, all the friends i have. maybe it's jus me, i do not have the habit of sharing my probs or voicing myself out. i dun wanna look weak and vulnerable. thinking back, so what if i appear strong and optimistic, im still not happy, not contented. im worried abt so MANY things that i need to see a psychiatrist. there are jus certain things i do not wish to reveal here.. u can sae it's CK or what. but im really not.
even at this time, i still tell myself that im fine.. but i guess im not.. but time will heal everything..
posted by confusion at 2:48 PM
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